The Register needed a Regism for our favourite blue screen merchant and we were heartened by the response. But as Connor MacLeod might say: “There can be only one.”
Such was the volume of entries that we had to apply some totally arbitrary rules to our decision-making process. Anything that substituted the S for a $ was deemed “bindun” by the socially distanced vultures and swearwords, no matter how entertaining or well disguised, were also discarded to avoid upsetting firewalls around the globe.
Suggestions involving “shaft” also did not make the cut, due to this hack not wishing to sully Isaac Hayes’ sublime work with the emissions of Redmond.
An awful lot of you liked commenter Someone Else‘s “Micros~1”, and the munching of the name seemed most appropriate given the horrors inflicted by the company’s file systems over the years.
I ain’t Spartacus‘s “The Trojan Penguin” seemed to sum up concerns over Microsoft’s born-again love of open source and what its plans might really be. JassMan‘s “Tux Munchers Inc” was a little blunter.
We’d also like to reassure Captain Scarlet that, unlike Microsoft, we won’t be doing the renaming every year. Just when the urge seizes our esteemed editor (much like the sadistic frequency with which Nadella’s minions wield the Redmond rebrandogun).
Scarlet also reminded us of Weebl and Bob, whose pie obsession resonates loudly with the waistline-expanding lockdown this hack is currently enjoying. However, with John Hawkins‘ “Bob”, we think we might be getting there.
For those not of a certain age, Microsoft Bob was a widely derided 1995 attempt to make the austere Windows aesthetic a little cuddlier. It could charitably be described as both dreadful and patronising, and a highly visible failure for the company a quarter of a century ago. As such, “Bob” must be a contender.
A close relation of Bob was Clippy, and Daedalus pitched “Clippyzilla”, which had a certain appeal, as did Jolyon Ralph‘s “Team Clippy” or “Clipsters.”
Not featuring the hated paperclip somewhere in our pantheon of Regisms would seem perverse in the extreme, until one considers the other thing the company is famed for (no, not Comic Sans): screens of purest blue. John Brown and robidy both had a crack with “Purveyor of BSODs” and “Purveyor of blue screens” respectively. A little long, but both have merit.
Count Cadaver‘s take on the BSOD with “Crash Gordon” also merits a special mention.
The final choice must, of course, be yours. So with the company’s Build event looming, please select your favourite from the most upvoted names (and some of our derivations) from the list below.
We’ll see you on Monday, in the [Insert Name Here] roundup. ®
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