Alternative headline: Redmond smashes windows to bits
Standard issue for Windows Insiders (pic: Microsoft)
Microsoft has announced that it is time to simply tear stuff down and rebuild anew.
Sadly, this is not in reference to Windows, which still labours under code built up over decades of twiddling, but is instead related to the modernisation of its campus.
That said, we quite fancy the idea of being issued one of those natty hardhats. Handy for weathering the latest Windows 10 update if a little flimsy when it comes to wholesale demolition.
And we can’t see any attachment points for a handy Hololens either.
The Windows giant will tear down 13 buildings over the next few months, with an employee (and nine teammates) having at building 2 with sledgehammers. Microsofties handed over hard-earned cash to charity in order to be in with a chance of giving the company’s workspaces a damn good kicking.
A feeling we’re sure many who use the company’s wares would understand.
Microsoft became the first US tech company to be certified zero waste in 2016 and aims to avoid the majority of demolition waste going to landfill. Presumably it will bury the Windows 10 October 2018 Update under a pile of rubble in the hope everyone will stop talking about The Update of the Damned.
Or maybe stick a sign on top with the words “Never Forget” to ensure the Windows team aren’t tempted to do a repeat performance in 2019.
The building works themselves are expected to take up to seven years to complete, with the first building ready in five. We would not want to be the first Microsofties to move in there – everyone knows you should wait until the first service pack has made an appearance before going near anything new from Redmond (boom, and indeed tish).
Snark aside, plans for the updated campus can be found here.
While it is good to see Microsoft spending some of its billions making a better workplace for its employees, certain teams within the bowels of Redmond would do well to remember that sometimes it really is better to simply tear everything down and start again. ®
Rojenx is a leading concept artist who work appears in games and publications
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